


hard to know which one of us is caving

by crazyness_overpowers



Category: Psych (TV 2006)
Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, brief angst?, like they just are both confused and can't understand what the other is saying, they very quickly resolve this issue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:00:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23780458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyness_overpowers/pseuds/crazyness_overpowers
Summary: Every morning, when Gus wakes up, he braces himself. He just knows Shawn is going to pack up and leave Santa Barbara again, and is having a lot of trouble figuring out when that will be. On the 513th day after Shawn arrives back in Santa Barbara, Gus decides to ask about it.He wasn't exactly anticipating the answer he got.
Relationships: Burton "Gus" Guster/Shawn Spencer
Comments: 14
Kudos: 174





	hard to know which one of us is caving

Every day, when Gus woke up, he braced himself. He knew that it was coming, the day when Shawn would finally decide he’d had enough. Enough of Santa Barbara, of being in one place, of Psych. Enough of Gus.

It was who Shawn was. Since they’d turned 18 and finished high school, he’d never been in one place long. He was always on the move, jumping from one thing to the next. He didn’t keep jobs for long. He didn’t remain in states for long, let alone towns. And definitely not the place where he’d grown up.

Psych was fun. Shawn was good at detective work, at finding the items that linked everything together as his dad had taught him. Doing it in the most theatrical manner possible suited him. Gus was finally, truly happy in his career, and he didn’t want to admit it was because the majority of what he was doing was goofing around with his best friend again. But it felt right. Pharmaceutical sales had nothing on that. 

Despite the fun, it had been a full year since Shawn’s abrupt arrival back in Santa Barbara. More than that. 1 year, 4 months, 3 weeks, and 2 days. 513 days total. The longest amount of time Shawn had stayed anywhere since Gus had left home for college and he’d gone on his first adventure.

So Gus was ready. He didn’t want it to happen, he hoped it would never come. But it’s not Shawn’s nature to hang around for long. Gus woke up every day and braced himself. He hoped beyond hope that there’d be a note, at least. But then, he’d arrive at the Psych office and Shawn would arrive as well. Another day where he was in the clear. And still doing what he loved.

That day, the 513th day, he’d finally had enough. So when Shawn finally arrived (at 2:33pm, a full 93 minutes after Gus, who’d taken a half day at his regular job), he asked.

“When are you planning to leave me again?”

“Leave you?” Shawn looked up from his desk, where he was fidgeting with the toys while trying to read the file of a potential client that Gus had left there.

“Psych. Not me. This. Us. What we’re doing here.” Gus looked down at his computer, not wanting to meet Shawn’s eyes as he fumbled, trying to get the point without looking too much like he had no idea what he was saying.

“Still not quite understanding what you’re saying there, bud.”

“Look Shawn, you’re always on your way out of somewhere. I can’t expect this time to be any different. I would just like to know ahead of time so I can explain everything to the Chief and the rest of the SBPD. I am going to need some time to close up shop, after all.” Gus was looking Shawn in the eyes now, confidence coming from somewhere he hadn’t known it was stored. 

“What?” Shawn stared at him for a beat, truly puzzled. “Where is this coming from?”

“It’s been a year, Shawn! More than! And I’ve had a great time but I know for a fact you’ve never spent more than 87 days in a single place since high school. So I ask again, when are you planning to leave me?” Holding Shawn’s gaze, Gus was trying hard not to look shocked at the strength in his own voice. When he’d practiced this in the mirror, it had not been this hard to not break down.

“I didn’t like any of those jobs, Gus. Or any of those places. They were about a good time, finding myself. I didn’t need to stay there. Besides, you’re the one who’s constantly complaining about missing out on your ‘real job’,” Shawn added the air quotes, not caring about the way it looked. “You said, when we started this, that it was just for one day. One case. I’m surprised _you’ve_ stuck around this long.”

“You’re surprised? _You’re_ surprised?! I kept saying that it would be one case because I don’t know how long you were willing to hang around! I thought that once you found out your dad was in town that you’d be gone again! I can’t keep waking up every day thinking that you’ll leave me high and dry. I’m trying to politely ask for a time estimate here.” Gus was on his feet and moved to stand in front of his desk. Instead of trying to get in Shawn’s face, he leaned against the desk, feeling his energy drain as the conversation persisted.

“Why are you so fixated on the fact that my leaving is a sure thing?” Shawn stood, too, and took up a similar position to Gus’ at the front of his own desk.

“Damn it, Shawn! Because I know you. I’ve known you my whole life. I’m fully aware of your habits at this point. I’m just trying to anticipate the one thing I know I can always expect from you.” Gus hoped his words didn’t have a bitterness attached to them, but could also tell from Shawn’s face that at least some of it was coming through.

“Come here, Gus.” Shawn reached out and grabbed Gus’ wrist, and led him to the couch against the window. “Ok, now take a deep breath. May I explain myself, please?”

Gus sunk into the cushions, barely noticing that Shawn had yet to release his wrist. After a few breaths, most certainly using what he’d learned in the Lamaze class, he nodded silently.

“I left here when I was 18. I left because I couldn’t stand my dad, because I wanted to make sure my mom was okay. I left because it was what was expected of me. But mostly, I left because you were gone and I couldn’t be here without you. And then I keep leaving. Everywhere that I landed, I knew it would be brief. I wanted the adventure I didn’t have growing up. I wanted to be like all the people who we read about in comic books and saw on TV. Do all the things I couldn’t because my dad was training me to be the perfect detective.”

“Shawn. I know all these things.” Gus mentally kicked himself, knowing that Shawn would never give him a straight answer about anything. Knowing he shouldn’t have expected anything else.

“Uh uh uh. It’s my turn. I promise it’ll all make sense. Okay?” Once getting another nod from Gus, Shawn continued, “I did all those things because I needed to experience freedom for once in my life. Eventually, it all led me back here. Back home. Back to Santa Barbara. Sure, I came here thinking that my dad was gone, and sure, I did it because I had secured an awesome job at a talent agency. But when I got back here and really settled down, I realized what I had been missing.”

Shawn paused for a moment, taking a breath and looking down at his hands, one on his own knee and the other still on Gus’ wrist. Gus looked at him when he stopped talking, trying to decipher the expression on his face.

“When I started calling in tips to the police, I was pissed at myself. I realized that all the shit my dad taught me to do was useful and that when I used it on my own terms, I enjoyed the hell out of it,” Shawn continued, finally meeting Gus’ eyeline. “And when I dragged you into it, kicking and screaming, I realized that this is the most fun I’ve ever had. Even better than the winery in Argentina or driving the Wienermobile. The thing I’d been missing was here the entire time.”

“Detective work? That’s what you’re saying? You’ve stuck around because doing Psych has been the most fun you’ve had? Is that what the reason is? Fun?” Gus was getting frustrated again, he had always had difficulty reading Shawn, but this was a whole new level. He wasn’t making any sense and it was maddening.

“Dude. No. Are you even listening?” Gus nodded in reply, so Shawn went on. “I was barely mad when we found out my dad had moved back. At first I thought it was because I didn’t tell him I’d moved back either, so it was the universe paying me back for that. But then I thought about it. And I realized that there was one main reason why I was fine.”

“Because starting Psych was the best way you could think of to stick it to him?” Gus was still confused, turning his whole body to face Shawn, certain he would be able to understand sooner or later.

“Because you were here, too.”

“What?” It was barely a question, not one directed at Shawn, anyway. It was a gut reaction, a shock response.

Chuckling, Shawn turned to fully face Gus as well. He could see the worry ebbing away from Gus’ face as he slowly realized the weight of what had been said.

“I’ve had the life of adventure. I enjoyed every ridiculous minute of it. But I was always missing something. I was always homesick. When I came back here originally, I thought that the feeling would remain, that the home I was yearning for was lost to divorce and a veil of nostalgia. But then, when I got here, I was finally fulfilled. I didn’t need to leave. So, despite the fact that I’ve been here for 426 days longer than anywhere else I’ve resided since high school, I don’t need to leave. Nor do I want to.” Pausing for just a second to hold up a hand when Gus opened his mouth, Shawn took a deep breath and continued, “Since I found you again, I’ve got all the adventure I need.”

Gus stared at him silently for a while. To Shawn, it felt like an eternity. They just sat there, looking at each other, waiting for something to shake them from the moment.

“Damn.” Gus spoke finally, and it was so quiet Shawn would not have been able to hear him were they not nearly on top of each other on the couch.

“I know. Bet you weren’t expecting an avalanche of emotional crap this afternoon. Anyway, I’m thinking I’ll go pick up some lunch. Do you want a specific type of taco?” Shawn was fidgeting, hoping to quell the tension in the room, which had began the moment he’d walked in and only gotten worse since he’d stopped speaking.

“No, Shawn. Hold on.” Gus reached out and grabbed Shawn’s hands, stopping the other man from picking at his fingernails during what was looking to be a long, one-sided discussion about tacos. Forcing Shawn to look into his eyes, he continued, “You can’t drop something like that on me and then not expect me to talk about it.”

“Oh, I don’t know. I think I can and we definitely don’t -”

“Please stop talking. You’re going to give me a headache. I’ve known you long enough to know that you can’t articulate what you’ve been trying to say.” Gus’ gaze was growing softer, and a small smile began to form at the corner of his mouth.

“You do?” Shawn was timid, more closed off and vulnerable than Gus had seen him in a long, long time. 

Knowing that it would take far too much actual convincing to prove to Shawn that what he was trying to say was true, Gus took matters into his own hands. In an outburst of bravery rarely seen in him, Gus reached out and kissed his best friend.

For a second Shawn didn’t react. He was frozen in place, unsure of what was actually happening. Then, he got over the shock and kissed Gus back. There was a moment, a minute where they were the only two people on earth. Where that was all that mattered. All that needed to. As Shawn wrapped his arms around Gus’ neck and moved impossibly closer, he knew that what Gus had been trying to say was real.

Seconds or minutes or hours later, they finally broke apart. Resting his forehead against Gus’, Shawn softly whispered, “Hi.”

“Hi,” Gus responded, matching Shawn’s smile and tone. “Do you believe me now?”

“Perhaps. I may be dreaming, though.”

“I could punch your arm and try to wake you up.”

“No thanks. I’ll stay here for a while.”

“On this couch?”

“On this couch. In Santa Barbara. With you.” Shawn moved back slightly, looking directly into Gus’ eyes and taking in his entire face. “To answer your question from earlier, I’m leaning toward never.”

“Never?” In the chaos that came from the response and the manner in which Shawn’s kiss had knocked all rational thought out of his head, Gus had forgotten the exact wording of his initial question.

“You asked me when I’m planning to leave you again.” (Thank god one of them had a photographic memory.) “I’m leaning toward never.”

“Really?” It wasn’t a real question, and Gus was grinning more than he thought possible. “Good. And know, if you try, I’m going to fight you tooth and nail to either get you to stay or take me with you.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

They sat on the couch for a while, kissing occasionally and holding each other close. Gus didn’t even attempt to force them (Shawn) to do work, which he knew would eventually earn him slight teasing from the other man. Eventually, Shawn spoke up once more.

“I actually was serious about those tacos.”

“Thank goodness. I’m starving over here. I’m driving but you’re paying.”

“I’m paying?”

“It’s our first date. This was your idea. Absolutely you’re paying.”

The argument continued as they got into the car and drove to their favorite taco stand, holding hands and not giving their respective sides the heat they would have any other day. (Shawn did pay when they got there, but he used Gus’ credit card.)

On the 514th day after Shawn returned to Santa Barbara, Gus woke up and didn’t need to brace himself at all. Moving further back into Shawn’s arms, he knew he didn’t have to worry about being left high and dry anymore. Shawn was here. To stay.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I wrote this because I rewatched the Psych pilot for the 1000th time and got emotional about the potential that is their relationship.
> 
> Title from Rihanna's Stay.
> 
> You can find me on [tumblr](http://crazyness-overpowers.tumblr.com).


End file.
